


Broken Holocene

by evitierri



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, im not sorry for this, like Dianetti is mentioned lightly, okay little sorry, you wont need to squint to see it but its brief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 18:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17309552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evitierri/pseuds/evitierri
Summary: If you asked any one of the Nine-Nine they would have never guessed that "America's dream couple" would end, no one did.What went down the morning after.





	1. Love of my Life

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever work, I mean I've written other fics but their literal garbage. But some lovely friends sparked this idea in my head and I need to write out emotions. Let's bring pain to my favorite married (ohmygod their married!!!) couple. :,)
> 
> (psst- follow me on twitter @peraltistark )

 Never once did the idea of dating a cop, yeah a cop! come into Amy's mind. It would make it weird she kept telling herself, she knew the realities she faced if she did fall for a cop.

The dangers that come between both of them, but the real danger was herself. Jake was a nuisance, reckless, snarky, cute. Well, kinda cute.

8 years pass, May 15, 2018, she is saying "I do." to the love of her life. The honeymoon was one to remember, by far the best time she has had, even if Holt was there. Holt was unplanned, Jake ran into the room and told her "Hey Ames, I know you wanted to have a honeymoon at Holt's house but even better! he's here." He awkwardly snorted as Amy just stared. It didn't ruin their romantic stylez vibez, sure there were moments where she wanted it to be perfect since their perfectly planned wedding wasn't so perfect.

    The dinners were what she remembered the most, Holt never joined them since he didn't want to interfere any more than he already was. Amy stared at her husband, husband... she'll never get used to that. Jake in a blazer and a nice button up, black on black. Jake never really wore all black but she made it a personal goal to make him, he looked so good in all black. Jake looked back at Amy and smiled, "take a picture it will last longer" she softly punched his arm and told him "come on you dork, let's go and eat".

After being seated, their waiter came by and asked what they would like, Jake got chicken tenders and fries like the manchild he is. Amy commented on it "Seriously Jake? We're at a 5-star restaurant and you get chicken tenders?" Jake just smiled and nodded, "you sure bet Ames! also, it's chicken tendies correct yourself. But I making it a personal goal to try every fine restaurant's chicken tenders! If they mess it up then we're never coming back. There is no way you can ruin chicken tendies, Ames!". Jake soon regretted his words after, he made an inhuman noise and spat out his chicken into his napkin, and flushed down the disgusting aftertaste with wine. "OH god! how do you mess up chicken tendies?? like it's the easiest food you can make! Did they not cook it all the way oh my god-"

    Amy just smiled at Jake, she truly loved him. From the moments they lay on the couch watching obscure documentaries to Jake's latest memes. (No Jake you will never succeed in having me send you "memes"-) To their rooftop, enjoying looking at the night sky, you couldn't see the stars but some nights you could. She loved those nights, Jake knew the constellations since him and his Nana would go out at night and enjoy her famous hot cocoa and look up at the stars. "Ames look there's Draco! man imagine if I was named Draco... should I change my name to Draco? no- I'm good with Jake. Draco Santiago-Peralta doesn't sound as fitting huh" He looked down at Amy like she was his world, "you're my favorite constellation Amy, the one and only star of my life." Jake always let her feeling warm and speechless from his compliments. The way he spoke to her with the softest tone, the way his eyes shined and his smile went from ear to ear, only for her. Even better Jake always made her laugh, always no matter what.

    Not even a month passed after the honeymoon, Jake was called into Holt's office. Amy knew never to worry whenever this happened, it was nothing most of the times. Most of the times. The moment Jake left his office he was tense, his shoulders locked and his gaze tense, he was fiddling with his ring on his finger, she loved seeing the ring that showed their bond on his fingers (his fingers god-). He walked up to Amy and smiled, the smile never reached his eyes as he rubbed his hands together in a circle, his anxious hands...oh no. "Hey, Amy can I speak to you in the break room? real quick I promise, I know how you love your paperwork haha-" Amy gave him a concerned glare and nodded, she stood up and followed directly behind her husband. He sighed and looked around, making sure no one could hear. The look on his face when he looked back at Amy said it all, the next words to come out of his mouth were no surprise since his facial expression said it all. "Amy- I have to go undercover again."

The world stopped, her head swayed, "what? but you just- we just got back?" she stuttered out. He let out a deep sigh "I know Ames, just- If I could not go I would. But this is super important. Romero is back, well he's still in prison but he had a man on the outside do dirty work." She was never one to blank out during important information but all that ran through her mind was how she will be gone from Jake from six months? is that what he said? Six months....oh god.

\------

     To say being away from Jake for 6 months was hard was a damn understatement. It was the worst experience of her life, never knowing if he's hurt. If you'll ever get confirmation every other month that he's still living. Living your life with a part of yourself ripped away. She trucked through it, she had her vices of course. Every breath of nicotine was filled with disappointment in herself but felt so calming to feel her feel at ease. The sense of false calmness rush over her after every inhale of smoke. There were nights where she sat alone on her bed, looking at the ring on her finger and the pang of loneliness hit, she just got up to get a beer. She forgot to clean the fridge, "Ms. Santiago-Peralta clean freak forgot to clean the fridge she forgot to do a lot of things lately. She stares at the most likely spoiled orange sodas, she never thought of herself as a soda drinker but after Jake's odd addiction to this stuff, she had to admit it tasted alright. Not the best, but drinkable. She could apply that to herself, she was not in the best state of mind but functional.

  
     She went to Shaw’s more than she’d like to admit, sometimes with someone from the 99. As she drunkenly spoke about how much she missed Jake, how life was garbage and nothing mattered. The 99 helped her as much as they could, patted on her back or gave her hugs and told her they were always there for her. Rosa was her go to, 3 years ago never did she think she’d find reassurance in Rosa. But they bonded over the past couple months over Gina’s absence. Early into the third month of Jake being undercover Amy got ungodly drunk with Rosa, they sang songs over loneliness (of course they sang Mr. Lonely by Akon). Rosa after the song ended pulled Amy close and said “Do not tell anyone this, if you do I will make sure you have to eat foods like soup from a straw” Amy nodded as coordinated as a drunk could, “Me and Gina have been seeing each other for the past couple months-” She congratulated Rosa, hugged her and they both went back to crying over how they missed the ones they loved.

     Nights she went alone, those were the worst nights. She would throw herself into one of the bar stools as Hank would bring her usual and she’d thank him. It was a long day, the case she’s working on is with Charles. Now Charles is a great detective, but he missed Jake and every other moment he would make a comment on “What would Jake do?” or just go off on how much he missed Jake, his best friend. It made her infuriated, this case was huge. It was a huge drug ring bust and all her attention needed to be driven to this case, not Jake. She snapped “Charles! Please- just, focus on the case.” Charles closed his mouth into a thin line and never spoke to Amy for the rest of the day except if it was case related. Amy felt terrible, she apologized at the end of the day. Charles the good man he is told her he understood and will be there for her if she needed. He offered for a night out at Shaw’s bar, she declined and told him she would stay home and watch Planet Earth.

     After the 3rd drink, someone sat down next to her in her peripheral vision. “Hey Amy, never thought I’d see you here!” She knew that voice, disgust boiled up in her. “Hey, Teddy… you know that Shaw’s is the 99’s go to the bar.”  Teddy never replied, they sat in tense silence. “Hey- uhm sorry to hear about Jake. I’m not making a move but sounds like it sucks.” Amy nodded and downed the rest of her drink, “yeah, it does Teddy.”  
“Listen- It’s not my place but I’m here for you, let me buy you another drink.”  
That fourth drink sent her over, drink after drink soon she was 7 drinks in. She was an emotional wreck, leaning on the bar crying, venting to Teddy.

“I miss him so much, I walk around the apartment and it always feels empty. Evidence of his presence haunts me.”  
“Shit- that sucks Amy. Hey, how about I walk you out?” Teddy asked.

     “Sure, I’m one hundred percent sure I can't walk on my own so thanks.”  
Her body fell against Teddy they laughed about it, they fumble outside laughing the entire way. Teddy hailed a cab, he opened the door to the cab for her. She looked up at Teddy and was it the sadness that was talking? The immense loneliness or was it just the alcohol. Teddy looked back at her, what would happen next she would regret for the rest of her life. Teddy locked lips with her, her mind screamed wrong wrong wrong- but she never pulled away. Tears welled up in her eyes, where they came from she had no idea. But soon she found herself being knocked back onto the wall of the elevator to her-no her and Jake’s apartment. Everything was a blur, every touch burned, every kiss left her feeling wrong. There was no spark, no love behind every touch. His hands were too rough, grabbed her too hard, touched her in the wrong ways. Once they made it into the apartment, Teddy tried to make this more affectionate than it should be. They fumble to the bed, Amy looked at the man towering above her. She didn’t love this man, this wasn’t Jake, this was wrong so wrong. Teddy pulled her in and kissed her too hard, his lipped chapped compared to Jake’s soft ones. She wrapped her arms around Teddy, running her hands up his undefined back, her hand touched. Reality snapped back for just a moment, her ring. The ring that showed the bond between her and Jake, she choked up. Teddy kissed her tears away, shushing her and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. His hands traveling down her body, unbuttoning her shirt, emotions swelled in her it was a storm. All of this was not love, just needless sex, a decision she made out of pure desperation. The decision was made once she pulled her ring off to place it on the nightstand. Bile threatened to come up, but the night pursued. A night of regret and shame.

 -------

     Jake missed Amy every single day. Every moment he found himself rubbing the silver band between his fingers as he was undercover. Nights he held it between his thumb and index finger and stared at it, the ring that held so many of his most beloved memories. An object that connected him and his wife, she was always with him as he was always with her. He carried it everywhere, always having the star of his life by his side. Staring into the night sky, a beer in hand as he replayed the night of him and Ames’ “first” date.  A fond smile spread across his face, in the distance his phone pinged. Getting up to check if he recognized the number immediately. Frantically opening the phone, almost getting locked out because he kept mistyping the password. He felt tears swell up, the number of positive emotions overcame him in a wave. But the main thought was how he can see Amy again, in person after five months. It was early but the bureau had a major bust and Jake could come back from being undercover. He could come home tomorrow, he ran and grabbed his suitcase to start packing up. For the first time in five months, he had a restless sleep.

 

     Normally the alarm of his phone would irritate him to the point of chucking it into the toilet, but today he greeted it with a welcoming smile. Getting ready the best he could, he threw on his leather jacket and made his way out of the door. Before he started to date Amy the idea of going undercover was amazing. The coolest shit he could do, but that was all he had was his job. His job was his life and what he got up in the morning. Now going undercover meant he would be torn away from his wife, he hated every moment of being undercover. Sure he had moments where he felt like a badass but it was no fun if he couldn’t tell his partner in crime and life how awesome he felt doing a barrel roll into a room. Arriving at the steps of him and his wife’s apartment complex brought him a sea of happiness, he can finally come home.


	2. You've hurt me...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never did he think a ring could mock him. Reminding him of times he wishes he still could live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, that's all I can say is damn. Enjoy this! Once again not beta read, I'm just writing this just to check off this idea :)  
> Here are some songs I listened to while writing this   
> \- Love of My Life / Queen  
> \- All I want / Kodaline  
> \- Sweetheart, what have you've done to us / Keaton Henson   
> \- Holocene / Bon Iver   
> \- Promise / Ben Howard  
> \- New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down / LCD Soundsystem

Sometimes there are moments where Jake wished he went straight to work. Instead of taking the coffee run and being 3 or more minutes late to work. He wished he stopped by the nine-nine first, to say hello to Charles, make a huge entrance and be welcomed back with hugs and pat on the backs. Not to be welcomed by the image of his wife sleeping next to another man. The ring absent and mindlessly placed on the nightstand.  
Moments where he would just do anything else than be where he was right now. Holding nothing but everything at once on his shoulders, vulnerable.   
\---  
Jake was ecstatic, finally, he can hold Amy in his arms and not some poorly printed image taped to a pillow. Making his way to him and his wife’s apartment time felt too slow, the elevator too slow, he needed to see her now. Their kind neighbor Janice, a wonderfully sweet sixty-year-old. Stopped Jake as he was making his way down the hall. “Jakey is that you? By god, I was worried you and Amy had a divorce!! Don’t scare me like that-”  
“Janice! haha good to see you! But I had a business trip to do, y’kno doing responsible adult life things-” Jake said in a rushed tone, looking at the door to him and Amy’s apartment. He didn’t want to be rude and brush her off, he loved Janice. Reminded him of his Nana at times, sickly sweet and welcoming.   
“Oh Jakey, we gotta catch up! You remember old Luna? That crazy cat got out again and I have no idea where that rascal went- also Barb? Remember her? She got herself a young strapper man, wish I could still snag a man like that haha”  
Jake felt irritation build up, he felt bad about it but he will go mad if he doesn't see Amy now. “Janice, I would love to catch up. But let’s continue this conversation at a later date, yeah? Good to see you, Janice.” He smiled at Janice and made his way around her. 

Every step he took the reality of him seeing Amy again hit, excitement filled his core every step he took. The smile built upon his face, putting the key in the lock he turned. Amy should still be home and awake, it’s 30 minutes before eight am, still not at work. He can see her now, leaning against the breakfast bar, the latest crossword puzzle in her hand, her favorite roast in the other. He stepped into the apartment closing the door behind him, he saw no evidence of Amy being awake. No smell of coffee or breakfast, odd. He placed his suitcase by the door and stepped out his shoes, making his way into the living room. Nothing, everything looked somewhat tidy. Turning his head he saw the bedroom door was shut, he smiled. She was here, still asleep but she was here in the same place as him. The sensation he felt was equivalent to how one can’t sleep the night before a huge event. Anxiously he turned the doorknob, seeing the silver band on his finger he smiled. He can finally see his wife, her beautiful face and to see her smile once again.   
Nothing can prepare anyone to what Jake saw, the love of your life tangled up in another man’s arms. Anyone could tell you what happened, clothes were strewn across the floor, the sheets were wrinkled and there lie in them his wife, next to Teddy Wells. All the emotions he felt previously fell and were replaced with nothing. He stood there in the doorway of him and his wife’s room, the world shattered beneath his feet. He looked at the face of his wife, next to it on the nightstand was the ring. Tossed to the side, like it meant nothing. Jake just stared, Amy shuffled in her sleep and groggily woke up. Amy turned over to see Teddy and she jolted awake, getting up covering her body with the blankets she looked to the door and saw Jake. “Jake I-” The atmosphere tensed, you could drop a pin and hear it. “Jake I- you’re back.” Seeing the look on her lover’s face hurt, Jake’s eyes had no shine, tears fell from them, silent sobs wrecked his form. “How-Amy why?”  
Jake left her speechless, his compliments left her dumbfounded. But now, she had nothing to say for herself, disgust, disappointment, self-loathing, pitty, heartbreak all flooded her mind and she just sobbed. In the silent room, all you could hear was the sounds of a breaking marriage, the love of two soulmates breaking. Teddy awoke, reaching for Amy shushing her, “Hey Ames- it’s okay” he reached to touch her and she jerked out of the bed. “Leave.” Teddy looked at Ames, looked to the doorway and saw Jake. Teddy spoke, “I- okay.” Silent tears fell from the husband and wife, sounds of shuffling were heard and Teddy walked past Jake. 

Jake’s legs felt like they were made out of cement, he wanted out. To be anywhere but here, he should have just gone to work. Then maybe he would be saved from the burning image of the love of his life with another man. Amy put on a robe and approached Jake. “Jake- I’m so sorry” she put her arms out to hug him but Jake stepped back. Everything in Jake’s life left him, his dad, his absent mother who was too busy with work. Nothing stayed a constant, everything was always temporary. He was foolish to believe that what he and Amy had would last. He shook his head and left the apartment. Amy sobbed out his name and followed him, apologizing for what she did. White noise is all Jake heard, his vision blurry as all he heard was the door shutting behind him, violently. Leaving those memories behind, leaving what was left of him in that apartment. He went on autopilot and made his way to Gina’s place. He arrived and opened the door, throwing himself on the couch. Gina in the kitchen not believing what she saw, her best friend curling up on himself as wrecked sobs broke out of him. “She- she left-why” She shushed him and pulled him to her chest, “shh lil pup, you barge into my home unannounced I got scared thinking you were a burglar again, welcome back.”   
“Why do I ruin everything I have Gina. Why can’t I keep things in my life, why can’t I just breathe.” Everything working against him, the room felt too small, he can’t breathe. He looks down at his hands and sees the ring, the ring that shows that he is happily in love with someone, how he would always have her by his side when he wore it, a constant reminder that he had something to fight for. He took the ring off for moments he knew he’d lose it, never once did he think he’d take it off because he lost her. Gina runs her hand through Jake’s hair as she used to whenever Jake would get upset and she was only there to help him through it. Amy Santiago was her enemy now, it didn’t take a genius to guess what happened, she hates the world. Hates how the world is so cruel to her best friend, the one who made her laugh at his stupid antics and was always so happy. This isn’t Jake, this is a shell of the friend she used to know, Jake usually would hold himself after a breakup, oppress the hell out of it and move on. She knew Jake loved Amy, a stupid amount but she could say the same for Rosa. “hey chin up little pup, listen I’m a constant in your life, you aint losin Gina fucking Linetti even if you tried Jake” Jake clutched the ring in his fist and curled into Gina more. “Am I to blame?” he asked, his voice scratchy. “No Jake, the universe fucking sucks and if I see Amy again I will unleash hell.” Jake had no response, the room filled with sniffles. Neither of them goes to work that day.  
\---

He makes his way to the rooftop, why is he here? Because he likes to torture himself. This place held his best memories, why was he here. Once on the roof, he lied down, everything hit him at once. Did Amy really love him? He gets why she left him for Teddy, he was sloppy, his finance was terrible, everything about him was bad. What did he have to live, for now, his star burned out? Sobs worked their way out of him, raw cried into the air. Amy took off her ring, she took away the love and what was Jake Peralta with it. Jake slammed his fist on the ground, did he fracture his hand? Who even cares at this point. He doesn’t, the memories of her laughter fill him.   
“Hey, Amy you think if I throw this nut I could hit that bird over there?”   
“Bet you, 30 bucks Jakey. You can’t even get near it”  
“You’re on”  
He never hit the bird, instead hit a bystander with a nut, they stupidly laughed over it for 2 hours. Innuendos were the main boot of the joke. The laughs echoed in his mind, mocking him of the better times he can never have again. He had an Amy sized hole in him, his partner in crime, life and just his best friend gone. He replays the moment in his mind when everything went to shit, millions of other scenarios he thought of. He wished they were his reality, but this is his life now. He lost everything, Amy tries to call him but he knows to listen to the voicemails will only dig the hole deeper. He can’t find it in himself to take the ring off, he feels empty without it on his hand. He still loves her, he misses her every day. She’s not dead, but he might as well be at this point. Jake Peralta-Santiago is no more, Jake Peralta isn’t either. He’s just a shell of a man he was, he won’t make it back from this. He’s dealt with people leaving him, but he never wanted Amy to be one of them, never. He’s numb, all the memories of them together leave him winded, breathing is hard now. Everything is hard now, never did he think he’d cry when he walked into a Staples. Small things remind him of her, he still feels the ghost touch of her hand on his neck, her hands running through his hair, her hands in his as they said: “I do.” This pain is new, it’s nasty and it hurts, it’s gum he can’t get off his shoe. Really it’s a ring he can’t get off his hand, it doesn't shine in the sun, it mocks him. Reminding him of better times he cannot have and will never have again.  
Wrecked sobs blow through the wind of this cold New York’s night, their rooftop is tainted with a bad memory and it will be the last memory held there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So - Yeah it's a Queen song, (Love of my Life) Which I love. But yeah! end of this story, I meant it when I said No hurt no comfort. :) 
> 
> \- Evan <3
> 
> ( follow me on twitter @peraltistark )

**Author's Note:**

> This was not beta read, just a quick write out. Grammar errors galore! ouch. Sorry about that, just this was just for fun really :)!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter! @peraltistark 
> 
> \- Evan <3


End file.
